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By Christine Bell


Living in a committed relationship can be difficult for the two people involved even though they love each other dearly. After the wedding, reality sets in. As individuals evolve, they change. Each one will have significant life altering experiences. Without either noticing, a couple may drift apart until they are living separate lives. If you are experiencing this, the couples counseling NY professionals offer could put you and your partner back on track.

There are common signs that a relationship is in trouble. Communication may become virtually nonexistent except during an argument or crisis. One partner may feel that the other is moving ahead alone, which creates a sense of isolation and abandonment. Secrets can destroy relationships unless someone intervenes.

If you have decided to give a counselor a try, you need to go into it with an open mind and a willingness to listen and learn. This is the time and place to be totally honest with a partner and the professional guiding the sessions. You can say whatever you feel, as long as it is respectful and true. If one partner becomes defensive, hostile, or refuses to be emotionally honest, this experiment is going to fail.

Many couples have trouble communicating effectively with one another after the birth of a child. This should be a time of joy and sharing, but it often becomes a time when the partners begin to resent one another. Women are often overwhelmed by the sudden responsibility of caring for a newborn. Men sometimes feel like they are being left out of the picture.

Couples contemplating divorce should consider talking to an impartial third party before making a final decision. Talking to a counselor doesn't mean you won't decide to go through with the divorce. It often gives couples a chance to discuss what got them to this crossroads and whether they believe the relationship could be salvaged under the right circumstances. If not, as least they will communicate more effectively going forward.

Once couples have settled on divorce, it may not seem like counseling has a function. This is not always true. It can be difficult to persuade a partner to seek counseling at this stage, but it can be helpful if there are children in the family. When couples make an attempt to cooperate with one another and remain civil, the children will benefit.

Divorces are not easy on children, no matter how congenial the parents try to be. Kids can withdraw or lash out. Their grades often suffer. Running away is not uncommon. Counseling can be a safe place for children to talk about their fears and anxieties, in the presence of an nonjudgmental adult who will keep their confidences. Combined parent-child sessions can also be productive especially if the adults are willing to listen to the child.

Even the most loving couples want to kill each other occasionally. Living together is hard, and sometimes partners need help sorting out their differences. Both individuals have to be equally committed to the goal however, in order to succeed and move forward together.




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